8 Private things that aren't at all when you're a Teacher

If you were hoping to keep your privacy, well, private, then I'm sorry to tell you, but you chose the wrong profession. Because the privacy of teachers is an oxymoron. These kids will know everything about you, from your shoe size to how you smell up close. There is something to be said about self-sharing and bonding, but it would be really nice if at least some "private" things were kept private! For example…

1. Your age
Young children, in particular, have no sense of social boundaries. I mean, you can't expect a person who doesn't think talking about poop is taboo to ask you how old you are. They are obsessed with age. (“I'm 5. And after 5, I'll be 6!”) I guess you don't need to tell them, but if you leave it to the guesswork, they'll probably keep thinking you are 100 years old.

2. Your relationship status
If you are female, students will try to draw conclusions from your prefix. Otherwise, they will ask. I was single for most of my teaching career and "Miss Read, why don't you have a boyfriend?" Was an everyday refrain. And if you have a last name change (even from year to year), your divorce has just been brought to everyone's attention.

3. Your diet
When you're a teacher, you eat when you can. Your students will see what you are doing and what you are not consuming. (You don't have to tell them you're turning 30… they know because you haven't eaten a birthday cupcake like you usually do). We ate in our classrooms, so I usually had lunch with the kids. And let me tell you: They are nosy. Snoopy and dogmatic. Sorry my curry sounds disgusting to you.

4. Your personal life
If you have a paper diary, you will have wanted to write in code, because the children will try to understand. One day, a student asked me why I circled the day in red (we'll have to wait for the day of human growth and development, mate). Another time a child asked me who Sam was and why I was having dinner with him.

5. Your vices
Of course, you can try to hide it. I know some teachers can. But I also remember my classmates rummaging through the desk drawers of my college science and arts teacher guts.pk/shop/ and finding a pack of cigarettes. And if you drink and live in your community, there's a 100% chance you'll run into a student at the grocery store with a cart full of cabernet bottles.

6. How much you earn
Teacher salaries are public information, so older students and Internet savvy people can easily find out what you bring. They may not know where you fit on the timetable, unless you post your diploma in your classroom (oops) or mention the length of your teaching in your re-entry letter. school (double oops).

7. Pregnancy
Good luck hiding this one from the kids who know all about every little change. You can't even cut your bangs without them noticing. Maybe you can keep this a secret if you're not a vomitor, but I threw up so much that the kids call the small group reading table “the splash zone”.

8. Personal space
Hello to teacher's degree means to say goodbye to bodily autonomy. At least for elementary school teachers, you will be affected. I have had children who crawled on my knees, held my hand, and played with my hair. I had them sit on the floor while reading aloud, and once I overheard a fourth grader stroking my shod leg.

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